I help leaders lead change, and high-stakes conversations are part of the territory. In these conversations, my advice is always the same:

People will not listen unless they already feel heard.

In other words, seek to understand the other person’s perspective (and mirror it back to them to ensure you got it right) before you try to explain/instruct/get your point across.

AKA: The Fast Food Rule

Recall the last time you were in a fast food drive-thru window. You give your order: Two burgers, a side of fries, and a shake. What is the FIRST thing they say back to you? (Hint: it’s not “Anything else?” or “Want to supersize that?” or “That’ll be $10.79”)

It’s “So that’s two burgers, a side of fries, and a shake.” They make sure YOU are heard first before they try to tell you anything.

Extend the same courtesy to your colleagues.

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P.S. Credit for this concept goes to the pediatrician and author, Harvey Karp. I don’t know how to feel about the fact that much of my leadership wisdom comes from parenting research, but I’d like to think it’s because, fundamentally, we have the same human needs at 4 and 44. The need to be heard is near top of that list.